if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
