Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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