all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
