I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
