i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
