I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
