I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
