Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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