Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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