Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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