I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
