I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you never un-have a 4some
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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