We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
