I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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