so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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