Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
