remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
