His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
