Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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