the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
