stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
