I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
