That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
