There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize