that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
