I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
