Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He passed out mid-signature
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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