I seem to have left my pride at pride
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
