Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize