i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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