i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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