So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
