just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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