I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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