just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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