Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
