i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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