he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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