you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
