so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
