We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it hurts more in the daytime
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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