This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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