I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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