she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
