no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
