thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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