things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
