this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
