He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
