i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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