Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize