Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
