yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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