you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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