and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
