Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
