you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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