So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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