i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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