3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
