I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
