whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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