my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
