You just made me feel so damn special
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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