get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
