after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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