What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
