Who did Billy Mays play for?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
