I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
