i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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