can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
