he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
