Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize