3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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