I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
did you just send me my own nude
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
