plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
