So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
