I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
