Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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