Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
