I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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