1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
