My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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