its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize