is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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